Recently in eawr Category


Freedom of Speech

[ rakaur on Fri May 27 at 09:25 PM // category: eawr, life, school ]

The fun part is, now that I’m out of high school, those fascist fucks can’t get me in trouble for stating my opinions on the Internet. Which means I no longer have to safeguard my writing and my Website.

-- rakaur // 2005.05.27 @ 09:25 PM

School's Out Forever

[ rakaur on Wed May 25 at 11:36 PM // category: eawr, life, school ]

Well, shit, now I have to do real stuff; I graduated from high school today.

I got an iPod from my parents (and hopefully some nifty stuff to go with it soon), a few bucks here and there, a meal at this ridiculously delicious Italian place, and, you know, a diploma.

I honestly don’t know what my feelings are. I’m so insanely happy that I never have to see any of the dumbfucks again, but then, I’m sad that I’ll probably never see my friends again. Well, come to think of it, the only friend who’s never been an ass to me is going to college with me, and we might even wind up working at the same place. So, that’s good.

I’ve put my site back up, and moved the memorial for Bill Perry. I hope my future is at least half as interesting as his was.

-- rakaur // 2005.05.25 @ 11:36 PM

R.I.P.

[ rakaur on Sun May 22 at 07:06 PM // category: eawr, life, school ]

The East Building shall never again hear the resplendence of a distant air horn.

My history teacher, Mr. Bill Perry, died this morning from a heart attack. He was a great guy. I’ll miss him.

-- rakaur // 2005.05.22 @ 07:06 PM

Lots o' Music

[ rakaur on Sat May 21 at 11:50 AM // category: eawr, life, music, school ]

So, I now maintain a list of all my digital music. I try to update it every time I amend my library. I just now went through all of my stuff without tags and tagged them, so they should all be good. Strangely, I have 1,500 songs exactly. I have around 500 more sitting in a temporary folder until I either delete them or organize them into my library.

And, oh, yeah, I’m done with school.

-- rakaur // 2005.05.21 @ 11:50 AM

Clowns to the Left of Me

[ rakaur on Sat Apr 23 at 07:44 PM // category: eawr, kori, life, relationships, running, school ]

Photography. It also seems that Harrison might have fixed my camera… if he ever puts it back together.

So I got up at six, left at seven, spent twelve hours in Sparta, and now I’m back. What a spectacular waste of twelve hours. It was track. It was cold. It was windy. I spent most of the trip either sleeping, listening to music to drown out the morons, sleeping to drown out the morons, or listening to music to drown out the morons while trying to sleep. I think, however, I may have had an epiphany.

I think, maybe Tesla was right. Maybe friendships and emotions and all of that jazz only serve as a distraction.

No, I don’t really believe that. I think friendships are part of life, and should be experienced fully. Unfortunately, in my case, I seem to experence little friendship, and a lot of losing it. Maybe, I’m not meant to have friends. I mean, as an INTP, my least developed personality trait is emotions. Feelings. I don’t get them. I don’t think most people get them, but I really don’t get them. After a painful eighteen years trying to lead healthy (friend|relation)ships, and utterly failing, I’m starting to think just maybe it’s not part of who I am. Maybe I have a complete inability to lead a successful relationship.

I mean, why not? Some people can draw, others can’t. Some people can interact with others, some can’t. What’s the difference? I don’t particularly enjoy being alone, but I seem to want to make damn sure I stay that way. I’m insanely upset over having lost a good… no, my best friend, over a simple misunderstanding, but just maybe… I don’t know. I’ve always known I’m not a people person. While I sat against the wall listening to music, I watched everyone gather in a circle and talk about things and play games, and I had absolutely no want or inclination to join them. I just sat there against the wall, alone, listening to music, while my team mates made the best of a bad day. I always sit alone on the bus, too. Sometimes I’d like to take part in one of the conversations, but I know no one really wants to listen to anything I have to say, so I’ll just get pissed off when I’m talking and no one listens (another INTP trait).

Another observation I made today astounds me. I have to wonder, how and why so flabbergastingly stupid people have such success in social situations. Although they utterly fail to grasp even the most basic concepts of social rules, they still succeed in social situations. Not only that, but they’re viewed as “outspoken” and “friendly.” I fail to see how shitting your pants on the bus, rubbing your ass (and other parts) on people you don’t know, and being mind-numbingly ugly makes you outspoken. I used to think, “man, society sure has my respect; it takes a lot of stamina and energy to successfully tolerate so many stupid people every day,” but then I realized the vast majority of society is composed of stupid people. I used to think I completely failed to understand society insomuch as that there are social rules, which appear to exist for the sole reason of doing anything in a social situation except for following social rules. I’m not trying to sound arrogant, or better than society (because clearly, society works, so it must just be me), but, Jesus Mother of Fuck, people are stupid.

I’m going to die alone.

-- rakaur // 2005.04.23 @ 07:44 PM

1600m Bullshit

[ rakaur on Sat Apr 16 at 10:14 PM // category: eawr, kori, life, relationships, running, school ]

First off, photography. Now on to the good stuff.

I’m… well, I’m actually not sure what I am.

At the meet today, I was over by the high jump when someone pointed out Kori walking across the field. So, I walk over to say hi, and she just starts crying and hugs me.

When I first pulled up to the meet, I thought I saw her (ex)boyfriend (see previous post) playing tennis with some girl. That girl turned out to be the one that’s tried to split them up in the past. And, to be completely honest with you, when Kori told me they broke up I figured “hey, you know what, I bet he just wants to pork that other girl,” but then I thought “nah, you know, Chris seems to be like a good guy.” Then, today she tells me that he initiated the breakup… so I don’t know what to think anymore.

So Kori shows up and sees them playing, and gets insanely upset. I walked around with her until I had to go run (which I’ll get to, but this is more important). I do know, that if he wants to split up with her just so he can get laid by some other (rather unattractive) girl, and then get back together, that’s just not cool at all. Kori loves him so much, you know, and is taking this so hard, and it hurts everyone (at least, her and me). He doesn’t seem to be having any difficulty with it whatsoever. And, judging by the way he refused to look at her when she tried to talk to him, and just went on playing tennis, it’s as if he’s just trying to drop her like a bad habit. Of course, I don’t know the whole story, but this is how it comes off to me.

I’ve never had anything against Chris, I always thought he was a really good guy, and Kori was happy, so I was happy. That, however, has changed. I don’t know what to think of him anymore, and I sure as hell know Kori isn’t happy anymore. I love her to death, and I hate seeing her like this. At this very moment, I wish I could just track her down and hug her forever.

I might care about her more than I should, but it’s better than caring about her less than I should.

Now, about the run. I had to run the 1600m (one mile) for the first time today. My PR was 6:42, which I thought was about right for me, ‘cause I suck. So, I was supposed to pace with this other kid on our team the whole time. He kept telling me the whole time to go ahead, and I kept telling him I was saving it for the fourth (final) lap, and the kids around us just kept looking at me like I was bullshitting it. So, it comes around to the fourth lap and I picked up the pace a bit, and passed a few kids. On the last 100 meters I started kicking (sprinting) and passed three or four kids, and tried to catch this Roxana kid that I beat in the 800m last time, but I missed him by a second or so. I wound up with 5:58.

At least something went well tonight.

-- rakaur // 2005.04.16 @ 10:14 PM

How To Waste Five Hours

[ rakaur on Wed Apr 13 at 06:37 AM // category: eawr, kori, life, relationships, running, school ]

Got five hours to blow? Try this!

  1. Leave class at 2:15.
  2. Get dressed.
  3. Get on the bus at 2:20.
  4. Wait around for no apparent reason and finally leave at 2:50.
  5. Get to Red Bud at 4:00.
  6. Warm up, stretch and such at 4:10.
  7. Go back to the bus because of hail at 4:20.
  8. Go back to the track because of lack of hail at 4:25.
  9. Warm up, stretch and such at 4:30.
  10. Go back to the bus because of lightning at 4:35.
  11. Wait around for them to cancel the meet and finally leave at 5:00.
  12. Eat at Waterloo until 5:45.
  13. Get home at 7:15.

Congratulations! You’ve successfully wasted five hours of your life that you will never, ever see again, in thirteen easy steps. You could have been at home consoling your friend who was rather depressed all day, but no. You’re an ass like that.

-- rakaur // 2005.04.13 @ 06:37 AM

Ow

[ rakaur on Wed Apr 06 at 04:16 PM // category: eawr, life, running, school ]

This point has one and only one purpose in life: to articulate just how badly my legs hurt.

This isn’t even funny. The workout today was nothing, and my legs hurt so badly that I was actually crying in pain a moment ago. I was okay Monday. After Tuesday’s race I felt fine; however, I woke up at 4am because my legs hurt so bad, and I couldn’t go back to sleep. Today, after the shitty little “practice” we did, I hurt so bad that I don’t think I can run at all tomorrow.

Jesus Mother of Fuck.

-- rakaur // 2005.04.06 @ 04:16 PM

My Legs Burn Like Fire

[ rakaur on Thu Mar 24 at 10:51 AM // category: eawr, life, running, school ]

Well, we won the first track meet last night. I was scheduled to run in the 4x800 meter relay and the 800 meter run. Unfortunately, the 4x800 “B” team was dropped, so I ended up only having to run the 800.

I didn’t really do squat compared to the real athletes, but I shattered my personal record. My fastest 800 was 3:08, and now it’s 2:45. So, I’m quite satisified, even if nothing I did helped the team.

We won anyway. We had 95 points, and second place was 55, so there was no contest apparently.

I have to get to where I can win some race by the end of the season.

-- rakaur // 2005.03.24 @ 10:51 AM

Up Shit Creek

[ rakaur on Mon Mar 07 at 11:16 PM // category: eawr, kori, life, relationships, school ]

Well, everyone left me so I guess I’ll drown my sorrows in my blog.

It’s been quite some time since my last blog update. I can’t really think of a damn thing that’s happened.

Oh, hey, I’m failing Algebra II because I sit right behind Kayla! I was making an A before we got new seats. I guess that should tell me, you know, for the sake of my education (not to mention my sanity) I should request to be moved to the front. But, no, I’ll never bring myself to do that, because that would take me away from Kayla! THE WHISTLES GO WOO!

Let’s see what else we have here. Ah yes, I went hiking! With Kori! You’d think that’d be a good thing, but no. The hike was good and all, but, here’s the thing: Matt and Tim came along too. Matt and Tim are both massively depraved people. As soon as we got into the car, they both had to start yammering about how hot Kori is. Yes, she’s attractive, now shut the fuck up. I wanted to slam on the breaks and kill them, but no, I just sat there grinding my teeth. I didn’t think it would bother me so much, but you know what, Kori’s my friend, and I care deeply about her, and having to sit and listen to people objectify her is going to piss me off rather quickly. It takes a lot to piss me off (less these days than it used to, but that’s a result from being a cold, lonely bastard), but that’ll do it just about instantaneously.

Yelling at Matt about it later did soothe me some.

<@rakaur> yes, she's attractive, now shut the fuck up, she's my friend
<+harrimat> yeah, tim was rather ogle-y
<@rakaur> it doesn't matter
<@rakaur> the "LOL KORI'S HOT LOL" for 20 minutes in the car was pissing me off
<@rakaur> i didn't think it'd bother me
<+harrimat> did i say that?
<+harrimat> MY MAZZERAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATI
<@rakaur> i don't know if you did or not
<@rakaur> i was trying to ignore you guys
<@rakaur> and, maserati
<+harrimat> i kept mentioning tim and his gay
<+harrimat> jabbing me with a stick
<+harrimat> going *NEADERTHAL NOISE*
<@rakaur> as hard as this may be to comprehend
<@rakaur> she's my friend, i care about her, and objectifying her pisses me off
* rakaur shower
<+harrimat> whatever
<+harrimat> i wasn't staring at her the whole time like you would have liked me to
<@rakaur> i didn't say you were

Wow. That was fruitful.

On to Scholar Bowl regionals! We lost the first match. To Roxana. By eight points. Boo fucking hoo.

Does it matter? No! I still have to go to the stupid “Scholar Bowl movie night” and “Scholar Bowl pizza party” and the god-forsaken winter sports banquet! And after that I still have to put up with the coach because she teaches my Sociology course! Son of a bitch!

And as a bonus for the night, my friends, I present you with JesusFreak™. So now she hates me, and won’t talk to me. And, you know what? I don’t even care. I mean, really. I’m such a heartless, cold, piece of garbage that the fact that she’s probably crying her little Jesus eyes out this very instant doesn’t faze me in the slightest. You know the very first thing I thought about? I thought “Well, I guess that means she won’t be talking to Kayla for me.”

Oh man what an awesome week.

-- rakaur // 2005.03.07 @ 11:16 PM

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