music: April 2005 archives
What Dreams May Come
[ rakaur on Fri Apr 29 at 12:54 PM // category: kori, life, music, relationships ]
The last few nights I’ve been dreaming. That’s unusual in itself, though, because I hardly ever remember my dreams. Kori’s in all of them. The first few were reminders to how much she hates me now. Last night was the worst one though; she started talking to me again. Things weren’t all right, but they were at least on the right track. Too bad I woke up.
I’m finding myself becoming more and more cynical. Things people do that never bothered me before now ride my nerves. I never used to give what people do while driving a second thought, but now every little thing bothers me. I also seriously wonder if I’m going to make it through my Sociology class without doing something stupid. I’ve talked about the people in there before. I mean, I can tolerate stupid people for so long. All smart people can. The thing is, tolerance runs out, but stupid people never run out of stupid. It’s an endless abyss from which they’ll never, ever escape, no matter how hard they try. Sometimes I’ll be sitting there, look across the room, and watch some stupid person be marvelled over some stupid thing, most likely a shiny object. Recently, I’ve had to mentally resist the instinct-like urge to go over and bludgeon their faces into their desks.
I don’t think losing my friends is helping. I keep telling myself I don’t need them, because they’re assholes anyway. I keep telling myself I don’t need friends because they’re just a distraction. I keep telling myself emotions are stupid and serve no purpose so there’s no reason to be upset over them. Call me crazy, but that’s pretty cynical.
To quote Evanescence:
Crawling through this world while disease flows through my veins
I look into myself, but my own heart has been changed
I can’t go on like this
I loathe all I’ve become
-- rakaur // 2005.04.29 @ 12:54 PM
Swing
[ rakaur on Sun Apr 24 at 09:50 AM // category: life, music ]
Still don’t mean nothin’, was written on the concrete
The words weren’t on my tongue, cause we don’t talk about it
Day or no evenin’, fashion or superman
Just little warped people, with little black minds
Well I wasn’t sure just what to think, say the lights went out,
Somebody, somebody swing
Don’t wanna, don’t wanna talk anymore
Somebody swing, don’t wanna talk no… no
What if we’re tainted, who can we lie to
What if we’re dying, would you just walk around it
Well I wasn’t sure just what to think, say the lights went out,
Somebody, somebody swing
Don’t wanna, don’t wanna talk anymore
Bring boy, can you bring me down
Can you swing
Don’t wanna, don’t wanna talk anymore
Shut your violence, keep your head down, watch your anger boy, realize you could lose
This is violence, look for reason, this don’t have to make sense to anybody at all, then everybody, won’t you swing
No still don’t mean nothin’, words written all over the concrete
All over the concrete, rage gets you out, so you swing
-- rakaur // 2005.04.24 @ 09:50 AM
Your Winter
[ rakaur on Thu Apr 21 at 07:39 AM // category: kori, life, music, relationships ]
The grey ceiling on the earth
Well it’s lasted for a while
Take my thoughts for what they’re worth
I’ve been acting like a child
And your opinion, what is that?
It’s just a different point of view
What else can I do?
I said I’m sorry, yeah I’m sorry
I said I’m sorry, but what for?
If I hurt you, then I hate myself
I don’t want to hate myself, don’t want to hurt you
Why do you chew your pain?
If you only knew how much I love you
I won’t be your winter
I won’t anyone’s excuse to cry
We can be forgiven
I will be here
The old picture on the shelf
It’s been there for a while
A frozen image of ourselves
We were acting like a child
Innocent, and in a trance
A dance that lasted for a while
You read my eyes just like your diary
Oh remember, please remember
Well I’m not a beggar, but what’s more?
If i hurt you, then I hate myself
I don’t want to hate myself, don’t want to hurt you
Why do you chew that pain?
If you only knew how much I love you
I won’t be your winter
I won’t be anyone’s excuse to cry
We can be forgiven
I will be here
-- rakaur // 2005.04.21 @ 07:39 AM
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