life: July 2005 archives


Not So Extra

[ rakaur on Thu Jul 28 at 12:16 PM // category: life, nikki, relationships ]

Well, I knew it’d be hard going into it, but I never thought it’d be this hard. Her parents have pretty much kicked her out of the house, and I don’t know what to do.

Here’s the story. She was off work at six last night, but wrote 7:15 on her schedule at home and told her parents she’d call them when she was off. So, I took her to my house and we hung out for a while. When we got back to work her dad was there, so we pulled around the side and I went in the front and ran to the back to let her in. Unfortunately, by the time I got there she was barely through the door before her dad pulled up behind her and started yelling. They drove off. She didn’t show up at the usual spot at the usual time for me to pick her up that night.

She called me about fifteen minutes ago. Her parents are supposedly going to call family services, and she’s considering “leaving.” I told her if she left to come to my house. I don’t know how I could ever support a pregnant girlfriend, or how my mom would react, or how anything would work. I don’t care… I’ll figure it out somehow. We’ll get through it somehow.

Kori, I was surprised by your comment… and by the fact that you still bother to read anything I write. I appreciate your insightful feedback, and I’d like to see some more of it, because frankly…

I don’t know what to do.

-- rakaur // 2005.07.28 @ 12:16 PM

Extra Extra

[ rakaur on Sat Jul 23 at 04:28 PM // category: life, nikki, relationships ]

I’m happy.

-- rakaur // 2005.07.23 @ 04:28 PM

Blogolicious

[ rakaur on Tue Jul 19 at 01:12 PM // category: life ]

It seems maddox has a hatred of blogs. Judging by his article, my blog isn’t the stereotypical one he thinks of.

Though, to be fair, what the hell would you call his Website? A festering mound of increasingly-shitty bitchings written by a cynical asshole? I mean, I like his material (especially his older stuff), but come on, there’s only so much you can bitch about for so long and only so many times you can use the same stupid phrase and have people laugh. He just got crappier as he got more popular. I remember when his IRC channel had four people in it.

He told me that he thought we were selling out
Laying down
Sucking up
To the man

-- rakaur // 2005.07.19 @ 01:12 PM

Time Rolls On

[ rakaur on Mon Jul 18 at 12:52 PM // category: life, nikki, relationships ]

So, we went to IHOP together last night. It was awesome. She’s awesome. I’m actually happy. There’s the issue of explaining this to my parents though.

“Hey, mom, the girl I’m seeing is pregnant, but not by me…”

-- rakaur // 2005.07.18 @ 12:52 PM

Off We Go

[ rakaur on Sun Jul 17 at 05:14 PM // category: life, nikki, relationships ]

So, I called her, and we talked for a very long time about very serious things. There are many, many items to consider, and she tried to make sure I knew what I was getting myself into. I don’t think I’ve ever been this scared in my entire life. I’m not just scared, it’s quite an interesting feeling. I wish I knew what it meant.

But we’re going to give it a shot anyway.

-- rakaur // 2005.07.17 @ 05:14 PM

/(bb|[^b]{2})/

[ rakaur on Sun Jul 17 at 01:21 AM // category: life, nikki, relationships ]

I went to a friend’s birthday party tonight. While not exactly in a partying mood, I had some good insightful conversations more relevant to my current situation. I still don’t know what to do though.

I know I care about Nikki, and even if she wasn’t interested in me I’d still care about how this situation pans out for her. I have a personality trait (common to INTPs) where I don’t like to put myself into a situation where I might fail. With this situation, I can’t be analytical and come up with a solution that I know will work before I go into it. There are no guarantees. I have to take a risk, and that’s not in my personality. This situation can’t be analyzed completely, it relies on the emotional rather than the logical, and my Fe shadow offers little comfort when the Ti core is gone, as in this case. In non-psychology terms, I can’t think through it, I have to feel through it, and I’m horrible at doing so.

I’ve talked to a number of people about the situation (good people), and every one of them has told me to go for it, and I find myself agreeing. I don’t know if I can deal with a pregnancy and its numerious unforetold complexities. I don’t know if any of it’s true. I don’t know how depressed she’ll be if she gives up the baby. I don’t know if she will give up the baby. I don’t know if there is a baby, or if there will be. I don’t know a lot of things, and I find myself still wanting to be with her. That really scares me. In most cases, if I would have heard this situation I would have said “well, screw that” but I find myself unable to do so in this case. This is a case of emotions instead of thinking. I’m not good at emotions.

I do know that I’ve never cared about someone enough to do something that is so unlike me, and it scares me. It scares me a lot.

But I’m going to give it a shot anyway.

-- rakaur // 2005.07.17 @ 01:21 AM

Just a Small Town Girl

[ rakaur on Sat Jul 16 at 11:11 AM // category: life, nikki, relationships ]

So, last night at work I was working with the girl I like, Nikki.

Or, I liked her. There’s been a rumor going around that she thought she was pregnant. She’s sixteen. The rumor is she’s pregnant, she’s going to have the baby and give it to her sister because her sister can’t have kids. It sounds so wacky I wanted to discredit the rumor, but I like her, so I didn’t want it to be true.

Well, last night we talked a lot and I told her I was interested in her. Well, to be more precise, she “heard” I was interested in her. She said something along the lines of “yeah, I heard you liked me around the same time my little secret got out.” I wanted to talk to her all night to clarify it, but I was, you know, working. She hung around for like two hours after she was off, but I never got the chance to talk to her (Friday night, two new movies, it sucked). So, before she left she came up to tell me she was leaving and a brief conversation commenced on how we rarely work together and thus rarely see each other, so she gave me her phone number. I was insanely happy at the time, but, why should I be?

I mean, I really, really like her. She’s a really sweet girl, and she’s funny and generally fun to be around. But, she’s sixteen and apparently pregnant (if that’s what her “little secret” is). Should I even like a girl that gets knocked up at sixteen? I know I can’t deal with that kind of drama. I know I can’t get involved with someone in that condition. I know I can’t, but I still find myself wanting to be with her.

Although the answer is blaringly obvious (“don’t do it, it’s not worth it”), I honestly don’t know what to do.

-- rakaur // 2005.07.16 @ 11:11 AM

Fire Up the Cluebat, Here They Come Again

[ rakaur on Fri Jul 15 at 02:14 AM // category: life, relationships ]

So, Jenni A (“Bitch”) and her boyfriend (“Douchebag”) came back for another round tonight. I didn’t do anything to start it this time. I came home, signed on, and Bitch started berating me about stupid shit. It’s not my fault she won’t talk to you, it’s yours you dumb bitch.

And, get this, after she messages me, Douchebag starts yelling at me to leave her alone. Then when I make a valid point, which Douchebag is clearly unable to comprehend, Douchebag makes jokes about my sex life. Swell guy that Douchebag, and a smart witty one too.

Ratassed goatfuckers.

-- rakaur // 2005.07.15 @ 02:14 AM

Bitches to the Left of me

[ rakaur on Thu Jul 14 at 01:39 AM // category: life, relationships ]

Oh this just keeps getting better and better.

So apparently Brandy never told her friend to break up with me (yes, that’s right, she made her friend do it, over the Internet). Evidently, her friend decided that I was ugly and had the foresight to break up with me on her behalf.

So I yelled at her. Here’s the conversation, for your viewing pleasure (also, here’s her stupid boyfriend). Here’s how it started.

So, the conversation she pasted doesn’t really paint me in a good light. Brandy said she didn’t want to talk to me because she was tired and if she talked to me the conversation would go on for hours, which is probably bullshit. She says she still “likes me a little.” I don’t know what’s going to happen. Probably nothing.

Brandy had to have some part in it though, or she would have told me to ignore that bitch. I don’t know how much of either story I believe.

I hate drama. I hate people that trive on it like that stupid bitch. Just because you can’t find anything exciting in your life doesn’t mean you should fuck with other people’s. I fucking hate that. What the fuck business is it of her’s who her friend is dating? Unless he’s hurting her, how is it any of her concern? And how in the shining blue fuck is it her right to decide she no longer likes me?

Stupid fake bitches. Get a fucking life, and stay the fuck out of mine.

-- rakaur // 2005.07.14 @ 01:39 AM

Better to Have Not Loved

[ rakaur on Wed Jul 13 at 05:20 PM // category: life, nikki, relationships ]

Girls suck. Let’s review:

Oh, and, I’ve recently learned Kayla does in fact like me, but her family is Jehovah’s Witnesses so she can’t date, like, ever.

Boy do I pick the winners.

-- rakaur // 2005.07.13 @ 05:20 PM

War of the Movies

[ rakaur on Tue Jul 12 at 11:53 AM // category: life, movies, nikki, relationships ]

So, turns out the girl I liked from work thinks she’s knocked up. I just don’t win.

So, working at a movie theater I tend to see most of the movies that are out nowadays. Unfortunately, they all suck. What happened to good movies with solid character and plot development? Just as a reference point for you, two of my favorite movies are “What Dreams May Come” and “The Shawshank Redemption.”

Take “War of the Worlds,” a modernized version of the 1898 book “The War of the Worlds” by H. G. Wells (also known for “The Time Machine,” “The Invisible Man,” and “The Island of Doctor Moreau”) and a remake of the 1953 original movie. Of course “modernized” in Hollywood means “in America” and “with Tom Cruise.” They did a fairly good job maintaining the plot, but the character development was shit. Instead of following a doctor working on the actual problem, they follow a chicken shit Tom Cruise around while he pisses and moans about his stupid fuck of a son. I can only be content that they didn’t mess up the plot.

And how about “Batman Begins”? It was a decent movie, but why is it so ungodly long? Two and a half hours for a stupid comic book movie? The shitty flashback/forwards were horrible too. It took me two viewings to really get at what point in his life we were currently watching. Why do directors pull that shit? All it does is make the plot harder to follow. It would have been a good movie if it would have gotten to a quicker start. Everyone expected it to be huge, and it never even sold out at our theater. Neither did Episode III.

I don’t know if I even want to see Fantastic 4 for fear of it being fantastic shit.

-- rakaur // 2005.07.12 @ 11:53 AM

What Comes Around...

[ rakaur on Sat Jul 02 at 11:26 AM // category: eastgate, life, relationships, work ]

Yesterday was not good.

I can understand a breakup in person, that’s fine. Doing it over the telephone, I’d be a little annoyed. Doing it over the Internet is almost unbelievable, or so I thought. Not only did I get dumped over the Internet, but she made her friend do it for her. Man girls are so awesome.

But it’s all good though, there’s two or three others girls that have shown interest.

So I had to close with NaziManager™ last night. I’ve never had to close with her before. All of the other managers usually check over my cleaning, tell me to do one or two things, and let me go. This girl? No. She made me clean everything five or six times, and then has the nerve to tell me “well, I should make you do this right, but I guess you can go.”

DO NOT MAKE ME KILL YOU!

What the fuck lady it’s fucking popcorn. I mean, if we were serving porterhouses out of this shit we clean I could understand, but it’s popcorn. Made me clean the god damn ice machine. The ice machine. It’s in the back room, no one ever sees it. It’s a big silver machine. Stupid bitch.

I’ll probably get written up for poor closing tomorrow.

I wouldn’t mind it so much if she were actually a good manager, but she’s just fucking stupid. She made me count my own drawer, which the other managers do for you. She didn’t on the condition that “[she] doesn’t like doing other people’s work.” So, she takes me in the office, and starts telling me how to do it, and then gets distracted and starts playing with something on the computer and looking at things she had written down and mumbling “how is that possible, I don’t understand, blah blah.” This went on for like fifteen minutes. She finally turned back to me and asked “oh, where were we?”

I swear to god, I couldn’t remember.

So later on she comes out to stock the candy and asks me to help her.

“Sorry, I don’t like doing other people’s work.”

-- rakaur // 2005.07.02 @ 11:26 AM

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