life: June 2005 archives
Stuck Between a Rock and a Rafter
[ rakaur on Tue Jun 21 at 09:49 AM // category: eastgate, life, running, work ]
Nothing quite like running three miles then standing four hours to get the legs sore.
So, last night was my first night at work. I was being trained in concessions by an insanely hot girl. I don’t really think I actually learned anything, other than the shape of her ass. Man, I consider myself to be one of the few men that don’t constantly spend every waking moment wishing for, longing for, and thinking of sex. And I still write this shit.
So, yesterday afternoon, my stupid ass cat strikes again. In my room (basement) there are the regular floor boards and such as a ceiling. Toward the back of the house, there’s one of them hanging down about two inches from the brick foundation. Somehow, my cat got up on some shelves and managed to get her head stuck between the board and the brick. I heard her meowing, but didn’t think much of it, so I went outside for like an hour. When I came back in she was still meowing, so I figured she was stuck in a closet or something. I opened some doors, until I went into the bathroom. Heard her loudest there, but couldn’t find her anywhere, so I went under the bathroom, and there she was, head stuck in a brick. Trying to adjust her was almost impossible, and she kept crying and clawing anyone that got close. Eventually I got some soap and water and rubbed it all over her head, picked up her body so she couldn’t move, and slowly rotated her head to the point where she slipped back out.
Now she’s been afraid to come near anyone, and keeps holding her head really strangely. I hope she’s not severely hurt (she isn’t crying or flinching when you touch her anywhere), because we really can’t afford to have anything done to her.
-- rakaur // 2005.06.21 @ 09:49 AM
The Days of Our Lives
[ rakaur on Sun Jun 19 at 09:42 AM // category: kori, life, relationships ]
I don’t understand it. I never had any real romantic interest in her. She thinks I did, so she hates me. But, Ed is so insanely googoo over her the entire planet knows, and she still talks to him.
I don’t understand why she won’t talk to me. Ed’s in love with her and she has no interest in him but they still talk. I’m not in love with her (but I do love her), but she thinks I am, and she doesn’t even say “good bye”? She just severs all communication? It’s been like three months…
She was the best friend I ever had. I miss her.
-- rakaur // 2005.06.19 @ 09:42 AM
Neither Here nor There
[ rakaur on Fri Jun 17 at 09:21 PM // category: hardware, life, technology ]
I’m home for the first time in a while today.
Woke up at nine and took a shower. Went to my dad’s house at ten to take out his stereo. Harrison gets to my dad’s at about 10:45. We get the stereo out, and I head home. Harrison runs to his house to get a wiring harness to fit my old car and the new stereo.
We get to my house, get the stereo installed, and come to find that the wiring harness is wrong. We go to Wal-Mart, AutoZone, and K-Mart, to no avail. So, we decide to take a break.
Harrison goes home. I go to my room for about ten minutes before Caleb calls to ask if I know how to change oil. I go to Caleb’s house and change his oil around one. I come home around 2:30.
I go to Harrison’s and swim for a few hours with him and Tim. We decide the best course of action regarding my car is to go back to my dad’s, rip out his wiring harness, and take it back to my house and crimp it on to my wiring harness. I go to my dad’s and get the end connector to the harness, and head to my house. We need butt ends.
We go to Wal-Mart around 6:45, and they don’t have them. We go to Dairy Queen and get some yummies. We take my mom some yummies. Around 7:10, we go to Lowes, which actually has them. We go home, crimp the wires, bastardize the antenna connector until it hooks in, and wonder of wonders, my stereo now works, at 7:57. Both rear speakers. Finally. I was supposed to go running with Brandy at eight.
I try calling her, and she’s out. I go to the track and run two miles before the Brownie Batter Blizzard kicks in and stops me. I come home and write a blog entry.
Interesting day.
-- rakaur // 2005.06.17 @ 09:21 PM
The Downward Spiral
[ rakaur on Tue Jun 14 at 12:46 AM // category: life, relationships ]
Yeah, so, that worked out terribly. Girl A decided that we’re “just friends.”
Never mind being deeply depressed, let’s try Girl B.
This cannot end well. I’m so tired of being alone that I can’t stop myself. It’s like a train wreck.
Listen, ‘cause you are the only one that cares to hear.
-- rakaur // 2005.06.14 @ 12:46 AM
When it Rains...
[ rakaur on Mon Jun 13 at 10:16 AM // category: life, relationships ]
Continuing my blog entries with cliché titles…
So, that girl definitely knows I like her. I asked her out to a really nice place on a double date with some friends of mine. At least, that’s how I see it. But to her, I don’t know what’s going on. I’m really into her, but I have no idea what she thinks of me.
To complicate things further, another girl told me she’s interested last night. She’s a really sweet girl, and I liked her when I had her in class, and if I wasn’t “with” Girl A I’d definitely take the opportunity.
So the thing is, I really need to just get a straight answer from Girl A as to where, if anywhere, we’re going. I mean, if we are heading somewhere and she just needs time, that’s fine, I understand that. But if she never wants to go anywhere, well… I can’t let opportunities go to waste.
Tough situation.
-- rakaur // 2005.06.13 @ 10:16 AM
All Good Things...
[ rakaur on Thu Jun 09 at 10:27 PM // category: life, work ]
So, we’re fucked.
My mom lost her job today. Or, rather, she was told she will lose it in three months. I still haven’t found one, and I’ve been trying for six months.
So, the matter of my getting a job to pay for my car has just become the matter of my getting a job to pay for my house. Even both of us working full time at minimum wage won’t be what she was making before. So, there goes cable, Internet, phone, new truck, and my car.
I should have known though. I mean, my life’s been going decently. Ever since the Kori debacle, I haven’t had any problems. In fact, you know, I have friends, and I’ve been hanging around a girl I’m really into, and I was on my way to getting a job and being able to get some niceities. I should have realized something must be amiss: all good things must come to an end.
And, apparently in my family, all good things must be prevented at all costs. I think it’s something to do with Catholicism.
-- rakaur // 2005.06.09 @ 10:27 PM
To Write or Not to Write?
[ rakaur on Sat Jun 04 at 10:40 PM // category: life, relationships ]
Oddly enough, I worry more now about posting in this than I did when I was in school. Namely because almost everyone that knows me knows this exists now. I know people are going to read it. So, what I used to use as an outlet for sorting my true thoughts is in danger of becoming a disinformation tool. That is, to get people to think what I want them to.
Naturally, that’s the last thing I want to happen. But then, I have an overwhelming want to exclude personal details from this. I don’t want people to get all freaked out over my blog. People don’t understand that it’s just me sorting my thoughts, just like other people do through drawing or painting or talking or thinking or meditating or whatever; I write, it’s what I do. If I say I have feelings for someone, I’m trying to sort out my feelings. Or, maybe, it’s because I know they’ll read this and telling them indirectly is easier, though less effective (completely useless, actually). Writing continues to get me in a lot of deep water. First there was the school thing, the Kori thing, and, more recently, the Ruby thing. Nevertheless, I can’t make myself stop, as it’s rather deleterious to my mental state.
Sometimes I feel as if I write because I don’t have anyone that cares enough to listen to me. I stopped writing so much when Kori and I were close, but now she hates me (oh, my mistake, she “doesn’t hate anyone,” right…) and I’m back to writing. I’ve been talking to someone else a lot, and I really like her, and I want it to be more than friendship, but dare I tell her that? I never wanted to be more than friends with Kori, but something I wrote gave her that impression and she completely freaked out and never talked to me again. What if I tell this girl I want to be more than friends and she never talks to me again? I’d rather not risk it, but if I don’t I have no idea what I’ll be missing out on. I guess if you want to live a risk-free life, you never enjoy anything. I never used to have a problem with this; I used to tell girls I liked them and it always winded up well. But eventually we broke up, and that really kills me. You can only go through that so many times before you grow a giant emotional callus and you don’t even allow yourself to risk being hurt. That’s the state I’ve been in for almost three years, and it sucks.
Should I write or shouldn’t I? If anyone actually reads this, now is the time to leave comments. After writing this, I know what I’m going to do in regards to my situation with this girl. So, you see, all that bullshit I just typed out helped me reach a conclusion. That’s why I write.
-- rakaur // 2005.06.04 @ 10:40 PM
« life: May 2005 | Main Index | Archives | life: July 2005 »
