life: May 2005 archives

Now Now Why Don't You Get a Job?

[ rakaur on Sun May 29 at 01:22 AM // category: life, work ]

In all honesty, I have no idea what to write about. I’m not particularly upset about anything today, which, for me, constitutes a good day.

My only complaint is my lack of employment. I’ve put applications in at countless places, and I haven’t had so much as one call me. Meanwhile, I know people that have been hired and quit three times, all the while I get nothing. If I don’t get a job by the next billing cycle, I won’t be able to keep my car. Aside from paying for my car, I’d like to get a phone. Any funds remaining would go for bills and maybe even gasp buying myself something every now and then. It’s been so long since I’ve had the money to just go out and spend on myself that I’m almost used to it. I think “man, it’d be nice if I could get a [some elitist item]” and then quickly dismiss it because I know I could never afford it. I used to upgrade my computer every year (or more often), but I don’t even keep up with hardware anymore (I used to read AnandTech every day) because I know I can’t afford to do anything to my computer. It’s so old now that I had to buy a USB2 PCI hub to even use my iPod (which is the newest thing I’ve had for a long time).

Of course, a bunch of people (yeah, like a bunch of people read my blog) are thinking that I have no right to complain. I mean, people are starving in India, right? Well, fuck India. The definition for “poor” is relative. That’s a concept that’s only hard to grasp if you’re a stuck up human rights Nazi.

I have no where to go with this. Let’s pretend I made a point.

So, basically, I need a job.

-- rakaur // 2005.05.29 @ 01:22 AM

Freedom of Speech

[ rakaur on Fri May 27 at 09:25 PM // category: eawr, life, school ]

The fun part is, now that I’m out of high school, those fascist fucks can’t get me in trouble for stating my opinions on the Internet. Which means I no longer have to safeguard my writing and my Website.

-- rakaur // 2005.05.27 @ 09:25 PM

School's Out Forever

[ rakaur on Wed May 25 at 11:36 PM // category: eawr, life, school ]

Well, shit, now I have to do real stuff; I graduated from high school today.

I got an iPod from my parents (and hopefully some nifty stuff to go with it soon), a few bucks here and there, a meal at this ridiculously delicious Italian place, and, you know, a diploma.

I honestly don’t know what my feelings are. I’m so insanely happy that I never have to see any of the dumbfucks again, but then, I’m sad that I’ll probably never see my friends again. Well, come to think of it, the only friend who’s never been an ass to me is going to college with me, and we might even wind up working at the same place. So, that’s good.

I’ve put my site back up, and moved the memorial for Bill Perry. I hope my future is at least half as interesting as his was.

-- rakaur // 2005.05.25 @ 11:36 PM

R.I.P.

[ rakaur on Sun May 22 at 07:06 PM // category: eawr, life, school ]

The East Building shall never again hear the resplendence of a distant air horn.

My history teacher, Mr. Bill Perry, died this morning from a heart attack. He was a great guy. I’ll miss him.

-- rakaur // 2005.05.22 @ 07:06 PM

Lots o' Music

[ rakaur on Sat May 21 at 11:50 AM // category: eawr, life, music, school ]

So, I now maintain a list of all my digital music. I try to update it every time I amend my library. I just now went through all of my stuff without tags and tagged them, so they should all be good. Strangely, I have 1,500 songs exactly. I have around 500 more sitting in a temporary folder until I either delete them or organize them into my library.

And, oh, yeah, I’m done with school.

-- rakaur // 2005.05.21 @ 11:50 AM

All That You Can Do

[ rakaur on Wed May 11 at 03:53 PM // category: kori, life, relationships ]

Then why won’t you talk to me?

-- rakaur // 2005.05.11 @ 03:53 PM

Take a Look at Me Now

[ rakaur on Sun May 08 at 10:43 AM // category: life, music ]

How can I just let you walk away
Just let you leave without a trace
When I stand here taking every breath with you
You’re the only one who really knew me at all

How can you just walk away from me
When all I can do is watch you leave
We’ve shared the laughter and the pain
And even shared the tears
You’re the only one who really knew me at all

I wish I could just make you turn around
Turn around and see me cry
There’s so much I need to say to you
So many reasons why
You’re the only one who really knew me at all

So take a look at me now
‘Cause there’s just an empty space
And there’s nothing left here to remind me
Just the memory of your face
Take a look at me now
‘Cause there’s just an empty space
But to wait for you
Well that’s all I can do
And that’s what I’ve got to face
Take a good look at me now
I’ll still be standing here
And you coming back to me is against all odds
And that’s the chance I’ve got to take

Just take a look at me now

-- rakaur // 2005.05.08 @ 10:43 AM

College Dreams

[ rakaur on Fri May 06 at 06:10 PM // category: kori, lccc, life, relationships, school ]

So, I got scheduled for college. My schedule’s pretty cool. I only go three days a week and I get out at 12:50. Originally it was 11:50, but some you lose.

Monday, Wednesday, Friday, I have: Physics 130 (8:30 - 9:45), Psychology 131 (10:00 - 10:50), English 131 (11:00 - 11:50), Math 116 (12:00 - 12:50); and, instead of Physics 130 on Friday I have the Physics 130 Lab (8:00 - 9:50).

Not much to write about other than that. Haven’t been able to sleep well because of the dreams. I thought it’d get better eventually, but it just keeps getting worse. I passed her on the stairs today, and I could have sworn she said hello to me, but I know she didn’t. Some other people have been talking bad about her around me in my Sociology class. I guess they figure since she hates me I hate her and so I’ll gossip with them. I still find myself defending her, and even though she hates me, I have absolutely nothing bad to say about her.

I don’t know what anything means.

-- rakaur // 2005.05.06 @ 06:10 PM

Snap, Crackle, Pop

[ rakaur on Wed May 04 at 07:04 AM // category: kori, life, relationships ]

Man, that’s nearly a week straight. I rarely remember my dreams from one night a month, let alone a week straight.

I’m going to snap like a bowl of Rice Krispies.

-- rakaur // 2005.05.04 @ 07:04 AM

Improbability Drive

[ rakaur on Tue May 03 at 10:01 PM // category: kori, life, relationships ]

So, I keep having these dreams where Kori starts talking to me again. It’s not cool, at all.

I dread Algebra II every day. I hate seeing her. If I didn’t have to see her every day, I think I’d be okay, but seeing her being happy and laughing and vehemently hating me is a little rough. I’ve started thinking about skipping that class. I don’t know if I’ll make it two weeks without crying at some point. I’ve started slipping in that class again, too, because all I think about the whole time is how she hates me.

Then, on the other hand, my wacky sense of humor thinks it’s pretty funny that I lost my best friend over something that didn’t even happen. I guess it’s funny, in a “yeah, that’s how much the world hates me” way. It’s funny in a “that’s okay, I’ll release you from the contract, I have my lab, what could go wrong?” and then the lab burns down kind of way (Google “Nikola Tesla”).

Losing your bestfriend over something that doesn’t actually happen isn’t impossible, it’s just highly improbable.

Update: For those of you that didn’t get the last part there, it’s a Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy reference.

-- rakaur // 2005.05.03 @ 10:01 PM

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