life: March 2005 archives
The State of the <Censored>
[ rakaur on Sun Mar 27 at 09:34 PM // category: life, politics ]
I’m going to take a page out of the Steve book, and talk about politics. Or rather, something that deals directly with it.
I’m not particularly interested in politics. In fact, I’m about as far from interested as you can be in America. However, I do care very deeply about my rights. And by my rights, I generally find that my rights as outlined by the Constitution and the Bill of Rights is generally acceptable. Unfortunately, the government under the Bush administration seems to think otherwise.
Today I came across a post on Slashdot referring to some freedom of speech limitation bill that has the possibility of actually being passed. There have been a few of them recently, but this one caught my eye, because it hits home.
Let’s put aside that not only are all of these bills quite unconstitutional, but the PATRIOT Act is also quite so, and it still passed and is actually in effect without (much) complaint.
This particular one caught my eye for another reason: the comments on Slashdot are actually constructive.
It just seems sometimes that the goverment no longer works for the people, instead it just works for the goverment.
Any problem that comes along can only be solved by creating another branch of the goverment to deal with it.
It raises taxes to pay for the subsidies on the incomes of the people who can’t afford to live on their income because their taxes are too high. It robs the rich to give to the poor and defines the rich as 90% of the population.
Being rather poor myself, I have to agree with this. I don’t know that I have much to say about it, other than to agree with it.
Some other nice threads are here, here, here, and my personal favorite here.
I encourage you to look around.
-- rakaur // 2005.03.27 @ 09:34 PM
The Title is the Hardest
[ rakaur on Fri Mar 25 at 11:14 PM // category: kori, life, relationships, running ]
I hate Harrison.
We had to run eight 200 meter repeats today at practice. I ran five, skipped six, and ran seven and eight. I was pretty spent. Harrison, however, went on to run two or three more. With perfect form. He just looks like he was built for running, so it’s something he’s good at. I have yet to find what I’m good at. It’s not running, that’s for sure.
After practice, Harrison and Tabby (I actually don’t think I’ve mentioned her before) showed up and played some cards. It was rather uneventful though, much like my writing tonight.
Just got done visiting with Kori. I haven’t seen her forever, so I was quite delighted when she showed up. She seemed kind of upset on IM, but seemed okay when she got here. I don’t know… something was definitely bothering her, but whatever it was she didn’t mention in our conversation. It was nice just sitting around and talking for a while. Pretty much the best part of my day.
So I guess I’m going to go up to the SIUE cross-country course tomorrow and run that for a good thirty or forty minutes. It’s going to suck. A lot.
Ah yes, Tabby (or is it Tabi?). Never mentioned her before, I think. I just recently started talking to her, though we’ve done stuff together before, with friends and such. She seems to be a really sweet girl, and is nice to talk to. Kind of reminds me of Kori, but not as relaxed and easy-going. I never get to hang out with Kori though, so maybe I’ll get to see this one more often. I hate never getting to see pretty much the closest friend I have. It’s strange: I’ve known pretty much all of my friends longer than I’ve known Kori, but I still feel like she’s the best friend I have. Just hanging out and talking to her tonight was awesome. Never getting to see her is killer.
As a side note, this song is insanely long.
Have a nice day. Oh, and, sweet dreams Kori.
-- rakaur // 2005.03.25 @ 11:14 PM
Requested Update
[ rakaur on Fri Mar 25 at 12:07 PM // category: kori, life, relationships ]
Hi Kori!
There we go.
-- rakaur // 2005.03.25 @ 12:07 PM
My Legs Burn Like Fire
[ rakaur on Thu Mar 24 at 10:51 AM // category: eawr, life, running, school ]
Well, we won the first track meet last night. I was scheduled to run in the 4x800 meter relay and the 800 meter run. Unfortunately, the 4x800 “B” team was dropped, so I ended up only having to run the 800.
I didn’t really do squat compared to the real athletes, but I shattered my personal record. My fastest 800 was 3:08, and now it’s 2:45. So, I’m quite satisified, even if nothing I did helped the team.
We won anyway. We had 95 points, and second place was 55, so there was no contest apparently.
I have to get to where I can win some race by the end of the season.
-- rakaur // 2005.03.24 @ 10:51 AM
IC or Bust
[ rakaur on Sat Mar 19 at 09:16 AM // category: life, relationships, school ]
I have a Website. Right.
I’ve been rather depressed, so I haven’t bothered posting on this (well, haven’t bothered as in completely forget it existed).
Kayla has expressed her lack of interest in me. That’s pretty much what I expected, but you know, it still sucks balls. So many little things here or there that made me think otherwise. Plus, a few of my friends telling me things that made me think otherwise. Actually, all of my friends telling me things that made me think otherwise. Hopes came crashing down.
My plans for the next decade of my life have pretty much come crashing down as well. I wasn’t accepted for admission by Illinois College, which is pretty much the only school I have any interest in attending. So, there goes that. It would now seem, that my only option remaining (since I refuse to attend a huge state school like Southern Illinois University or the University of Illinois, et al) is to attend a shitty ass community college for a while.
Why is this bad? Well, because I’ll have to spend a year or two there. Then, three years at IC (assuming they accept me after that), and two years at the partner university, all for two BSs. Most people get a doctorate in that time, but no. So, while all of my friends are away at real college getting real educations, I’ll be stuck in a lame community college with a bunch of idiots that are too stupid to get into a real school.
Look ma, I’m a fucking moron.
-- rakaur // 2005.03.19 @ 09:16 AM
My Town
[ rakaur on Tue Mar 15 at 06:42 AM // category: life, politics ]
East Alton fucking blows. This is like the third week in a row they haven’t picked up our garbage. The first time we figured they made a mistake. The second time was on a state holiday, and even though they picked up everyone else’s, we gave them the benefit of the doubt. But today, I was sitting out there watching them, and they just drove right the fuck past our now-overflowing garbage cans.
What the fuck’s the matter with these people? I’m starting to think I did something to offend someone at the city. There’s an asshole that works for the city a few houses down. I know he doesn’t like us, because he’s given us the asshole treatment a few times in regards to raking leaves. He gave us some papers that say we “must” rake our leaves. So when I did, he gave us another set of papers that says we can’t rake them into the street (even though there’s a street sweeper that gets them). Well you know what, kiss my god damn ass.
One of my friends recently put a “vote for whomever” sign in our front yard, and I’m starting to wonder if someone nearby with connections to the city doesn’t much care for that particular candidate. You know, we live in a city of like seven thousand. You just don’t do stupid politcal things like having the garbage men skip houses with that sign.
East Alton is by far the shittiest town I’ve ever lived in. I lived in a 1,700 population town for a solid seven years, and the people there were the most retarded and politcal mind-game people you’ll find on the planet, and that place was much better than East Alton.
So, now I get to figure out where the public works office is and go down there and bitch. Somehow, I think that’ll only make things worse, but you know, I’m good at bitching. I’m not one to tolerate stupid ass politcal garbage (haha, pun) like this. This is completely inappropriate for any city.
Ratassed pigfuckers.
-- rakaur // 2005.03.15 @ 06:42 AM
My Old Numb Shadow
[ rakaur on Thu Mar 10 at 06:42 AM // category: life, music ]
I only recently realized how this song is related to Jungian psychology. It’s a pretty awesome song, now that I think about the level of meaning embedded in it. I’m not your big “OMG SONG IS SO COOL MAKE A CULT!” type of person, but this is a really well-written song.
My shadow’s shedding skin
I’ve been picking scabs again
I’m down digging through
My old muscles looking for a clueI’ve been crawling on my belly
Clearing out what could’ve been
I’ve been wallowing in my own confused
And insecure delusions
For a piece to cross me over
Or a word to guide me in
I want to feel the changes coming down
I want to know what I’ve been hiding inMy shadow
Change is coming through my shadow
My shadow’s shedding skin
I’ve been picking my scabs againI’ve been crawling on my belly
Clearing out what could’ve been
I’ve been wallowing in my own chaotic
And insecure delusions
I want to feel the change consume me
Feel the outside turning in
I want to feel the metamorphosis and
Cleansing I’ve endured withinMy shadow
Change is coming, now is my time
Listen to my muscle memory
Contemplate what I’ve been clinging to
Forty-six and two ahead of meI choose to live and to
Grow, take and give and to
Move, learn and love and to
Cry, kill and die and to
Be paranoid and to
Lie, hate and fear and to
Do what it takes to move throughI choose to live and to
Lie, kill and give and to
Die, learn and love and to
Do what it takes to step throughSee my shadow changing
Stretching up and over me
Soften this old armor
Hoping I can clear the way by
Stepping through my shadow
Coming out the other side
Step into the shadow
Forty-six and two are just ahead of me
Wow, that’s long. But anyway, if you know anything about Carl Jung’s psychology you’ll have a much bigger appreciation for this song. The most glaring Jungian term would be “shadow.”
-- rakaur // 2005.03.10 @ 06:42 AM
That's All Folks
[ rakaur on Tue Mar 08 at 05:04 PM // category: life, relationships ]
She said no.
-- rakaur // 2005.03.08 @ 05:04 PM
Up Shit Creek
[ rakaur on Mon Mar 07 at 11:16 PM // category: eawr, kori, life, relationships, school ]
Well, everyone left me so I guess I’ll drown my sorrows in my blog.
It’s been quite some time since my last blog update. I can’t really think of a damn thing that’s happened.
Oh, hey, I’m failing Algebra II because I sit right behind Kayla! I was making an A before we got new seats. I guess that should tell me, you know, for the sake of my education (not to mention my sanity) I should request to be moved to the front. But, no, I’ll never bring myself to do that, because that would take me away from Kayla! THE WHISTLES GO WOO!
Let’s see what else we have here. Ah yes, I went hiking! With Kori! You’d think that’d be a good thing, but no. The hike was good and all, but, here’s the thing: Matt and Tim came along too. Matt and Tim are both massively depraved people. As soon as we got into the car, they both had to start yammering about how hot Kori is. Yes, she’s attractive, now shut the fuck up. I wanted to slam on the breaks and kill them, but no, I just sat there grinding my teeth. I didn’t think it would bother me so much, but you know what, Kori’s my friend, and I care deeply about her, and having to sit and listen to people objectify her is going to piss me off rather quickly. It takes a lot to piss me off (less these days than it used to, but that’s a result from being a cold, lonely bastard), but that’ll do it just about instantaneously.
Yelling at Matt about it later did soothe me some.
<@rakaur> yes, she's attractive, now shut the fuck up, she's my friend
<+harrimat> yeah, tim was rather ogle-y
<@rakaur> it doesn't matter
<@rakaur> the "LOL KORI'S HOT LOL" for 20 minutes in the car was pissing me off
<@rakaur> i didn't think it'd bother me
<+harrimat> did i say that?
<+harrimat> MY MAZZERAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATI
<@rakaur> i don't know if you did or not
<@rakaur> i was trying to ignore you guys
<@rakaur> and, maserati
<+harrimat> i kept mentioning tim and his gay
<+harrimat> jabbing me with a stick
<+harrimat> going *NEADERTHAL NOISE*
<@rakaur> as hard as this may be to comprehend
<@rakaur> she's my friend, i care about her, and objectifying her pisses me off
* rakaur shower
<+harrimat> whatever
<+harrimat> i wasn't staring at her the whole time like you would have liked me to
<@rakaur> i didn't say you were
Wow. That was fruitful.
On to Scholar Bowl regionals! We lost the first match. To Roxana. By eight points. Boo fucking hoo.
Does it matter? No! I still have to go to the stupid “Scholar Bowl movie night” and “Scholar Bowl pizza party” and the god-forsaken winter sports banquet! And after that I still have to put up with the coach because she teaches my Sociology course! Son of a bitch!
And as a bonus for the night, my friends, I present you with JesusFreak™. So now she hates me, and won’t talk to me. And, you know what? I don’t even care. I mean, really. I’m such a heartless, cold, piece of garbage that the fact that she’s probably crying her little Jesus eyes out this very instant doesn’t faze me in the slightest. You know the very first thing I thought about? I thought “Well, I guess that means she won’t be talking to Kayla for me.”
Oh man what an awesome week.
-- rakaur // 2005.03.07 @ 11:16 PM
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