And My Soul From Out That Shadow
[ rakaur on Wed Feb 22 at 12:20 PM // category: life, nikki, relationships ]
It’s been a while since I’ve been at this screen.
Been pretty busy. I’m at work a lot, which is pretty much 80% of my time. I don’t even have the energy to bitch about it anymore. I do more than most people there, and I get paid the same. It sucks. Bitch bitch, etc.
When I’m not at work, I try to be with my girlfriend as much as possible. As of 6:15 Tuesday night, she’s no longer pregnant. I haven’t seen her since Sunday, but I talk to her on the phone. Her parents won’t let me come to the hospital. So far as I can tell she’s holding up extremely well for someone in her position. Probably better than I am. I’m so worried she’s not going to be able to make it through this, and I can’t lose her. She called me at 3:00 last night, pretty depressed about things. But on the whole, she’s holding up very well. It’s a boy.
I don’t know, I think I’m just worried that everything is going to change. Everyone’s telling me that she doesn’t need me anymore so she’s going to break up with me, which I highly doubt is the case. But you know me, absolutely no self-esteem even though I really should because there’s no reason for me not to.
Last night I was seriously just walking around my room at midnight, laughing and crying in a very weird sort of way. I was pretty sure I went bonkers there for a while. I went to bed Monday night and I was fine, woke up Tuesday morning and I had a fever and couldn’t talk. I felt like I’d drank an entire keg. I’m still sick today, but no fever. I don’t know what’s up with that. I’m tending to think it’s all in my head, and it’s just this situation making me sick.
It’s kind of funny. I thought she needed me to get through this, not the other way around.
-- rakaur // 2006.02.22 @ 12:20 PM
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