Fare Thee Stairwell
[ rakaur on Thu Nov 24 at 01:17 AM // category: life ]
So, everyone that knows me will tell you there’s absolutely nothing I like better than to take apart my stairs. I mean, damn if it doesn’t just get me revved up all to shit. So naturally I just look for any excuse whatsoever to partake in this awesome activity. Luckily for me, an opportunity presented itself yesterday, when my mother decided to come home with a new bed for me.
I’ve been sleeping on a water bed for some time now, more than five years but less than ten years. They’re nice for a while, but eventually start to take their toll on your back. My back’s been pretty messed up for a while now. So we got some extra money, and my mom decides to buy me a lovely queen size pillow-top matress with box springs and a frame and such. Natrually, my mother doesn’t see the need to take any measurements to ensure that the items will, in fact, physically fit into my room.
They wouldn’t.
And what luck! As I mentioned before there’s nothing I adore more than taking apart my stairs. So when this situation presented itself I thought to myself, I thought “self, this is the perfect excuse to take apart your stairs!” And so I began delightfully banging them apart with a hammer. Ah, the pleasure, the pure joy. After I had completely removed the entirety of the bottom portion of my stairwell I decided that might do it. I’d had my fun, after all. So I took some measurements again to ensure the recently purchased bed would now fit into my room.
It wouldn’t.
“Well, slap me silly” I thought to myself, “I guess this really is my day!” And so I began taking apart the landing between the two pieces of my stairwell. I took apart all of the boards, the hammer ringing with resplendence all the while. “Surely this is all the fun I dare have in one day” I thought to myself. So I once again began to take measurements to ensure the matress and box springs would fit into my room.
They wouldn’t.
“This is better than a sex marathon!” I thought to myself. “Not only do I get to disassemble my stairs, and my landing, but I’m going to have to take the entire frame for them apart!” And so I began removing 2x4s and nails and framing, my hammer singing along with pure ecstasy. After completing this euphoric task, I once again took measurements.
Finally, my fun had come to and end.
I began the relatively monotonous task of transporting the new items down to my room and assembling them. I finally knew my day of fun had ended once the final board to my stairwell had been nailed back into its rightful home, no less than three hours later.
Three hours of nothing less than pure, inundating fun.
-- rakaur // 2005.11.24 @ 01:17 AM
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