/(bb|[^b]{2})/
[ rakaur on Sun Jul 17 at 01:21 AM // category: life, nikki, relationships ]
I went to a friend’s birthday party tonight. While not exactly in a partying mood, I had some good insightful conversations more relevant to my current situation. I still don’t know what to do though.
I know I care about Nikki, and even if she wasn’t interested in me I’d still care about how this situation pans out for her. I have a personality trait (common to INTPs) where I don’t like to put myself into a situation where I might fail. With this situation, I can’t be analytical and come up with a solution that I know will work before I go into it. There are no guarantees. I have to take a risk, and that’s not in my personality. This situation can’t be analyzed completely, it relies on the emotional rather than the logical, and my Fe shadow offers little comfort when the Ti core is gone, as in this case. In non-psychology terms, I can’t think through it, I have to feel through it, and I’m horrible at doing so.
I’ve talked to a number of people about the situation (good people), and every one of them has told me to go for it, and I find myself agreeing. I don’t know if I can deal with a pregnancy and its numerious unforetold complexities. I don’t know if any of it’s true. I don’t know how depressed she’ll be if she gives up the baby. I don’t know if she will give up the baby. I don’t know if there is a baby, or if there will be. I don’t know a lot of things, and I find myself still wanting to be with her. That really scares me. In most cases, if I would have heard this situation I would have said “well, screw that” but I find myself unable to do so in this case. This is a case of emotions instead of thinking. I’m not good at emotions.
I do know that I’ve never cared about someone enough to do something that is so unlike me, and it scares me. It scares me a lot.
But I’m going to give it a shot anyway.
-- rakaur // 2005.07.17 @ 01:21 AM
0 TrackBacks
Listed below are links to blogs that reference this entry.
TrackBack URL for this entry: http://mt.ericw.org/mt-tb.cgi/177
