What Dreams May Come
[ rakaur on Fri Apr 29 at 12:54 PM // category: kori, life, music, relationships ]
The last few nights I’ve been dreaming. That’s unusual in itself, though, because I hardly ever remember my dreams. Kori’s in all of them. The first few were reminders to how much she hates me now. Last night was the worst one though; she started talking to me again. Things weren’t all right, but they were at least on the right track. Too bad I woke up.
I’m finding myself becoming more and more cynical. Things people do that never bothered me before now ride my nerves. I never used to give what people do while driving a second thought, but now every little thing bothers me. I also seriously wonder if I’m going to make it through my Sociology class without doing something stupid. I’ve talked about the people in there before. I mean, I can tolerate stupid people for so long. All smart people can. The thing is, tolerance runs out, but stupid people never run out of stupid. It’s an endless abyss from which they’ll never, ever escape, no matter how hard they try. Sometimes I’ll be sitting there, look across the room, and watch some stupid person be marvelled over some stupid thing, most likely a shiny object. Recently, I’ve had to mentally resist the instinct-like urge to go over and bludgeon their faces into their desks.
I don’t think losing my friends is helping. I keep telling myself I don’t need them, because they’re assholes anyway. I keep telling myself I don’t need friends because they’re just a distraction. I keep telling myself emotions are stupid and serve no purpose so there’s no reason to be upset over them. Call me crazy, but that’s pretty cynical.
To quote Evanescence:
Crawling through this world while disease flows through my veins
I look into myself, but my own heart has been changed
I can’t go on like this
I loathe all I’ve become
-- rakaur // 2005.04.29 @ 12:54 PM
0 TrackBacks
Listed below are links to blogs that reference this entry.
TrackBack URL for this entry: http://mt.ericw.org/mt-tb.cgi/125
