Eat Shit and Die
[ rakaur on Mon Oct 18 at 10:25 PM // category: life, relationships ]
You know, there are times when you’re so frustrated with everything that you sit down to write and you have no idea where you’re going. Well, this is one of those times. Sometimes I wonder if the only thing keeping my reservoir of sanity from running dry is my infatuation with random girls that I’ve never met and know absolutely nothing about. I obsess with them endlessly until I’m forced to find someone else to attach myself to.
I don’t get it. Do I have to have someone I believe to love? Maybe because my family has been so defunct for the vast majority of my life? Maybe because I have no ciblings? Maybe because I’ve never had a real girlfriend? Maybe because the closest I’ve ever come to someone I could trust was someone several thousand miles away whom I knew only as text? I don’t know, maybe.
I’m so tired of being all strung out over something that I know is a complete waste of time. So, yeah, I’d like to have someone I could talk to. That someone being a girl I can care about would be a bonus. So do I just pick some girl I think is pretty and try to pretend she has all of these magical qualities that I’ll never actually find in anyone? I sound like a girl: picking some good looker and trying to make them into what I want, when in reality I know it’ll never happen.
Or maybe it’s because once again instead of talking to someone I’m sitting at a terminal at 10:30 writing to a machine.
I need someone.
-- rakaur // 2004.10.18 @ 10:25 PM
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